Apologies Accepted

Haunted Hoochie: It’s Not What You Think

A hoochie is another name for a shack.  Merriam Webster doesn't know this and will tell you that a hoochie is a "sexually promiscuous young woman" (like that's a bad thing).  But the Oxford English Dictionary thinks that a hoochie is a WWII reference for a "lean-to" or a temporary shelter.  So, let's go with shack because OED is a more authoritative source than judgey Merriam Webster.  A Haunted Hoochie is therefore a haunted house and the most famous of all Haunted Hoochies is The Haunted Hoochie located in Pataskala, Ohio.  It's a family run Haunted House attraction and for 28 years running Haunted Hoochie celebrated "Swastika Saturday" - an event meant to make fun of Nazis, not to celebrate them.  But that distinction wasn't so clear in October of 2018 after a gunman opened fire in the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, killing 11 innocent people.  Haunted Hoochie took a lot of criticism for holding their Swastika-Saturday-Not-a-Celebration-Event on the same day as the shooting.

Haunted Hoochie came out with an apology, which wasn't so great and didn't help things.  So they did what all reasonable people do when their first apology doesn't stand a ghost of a chance, they apologized again, hoping this time to settle the matter once and for all.

Hoochie  derivation: We love you, OED, but somehow Hooch (for booze) has got to be involved so we at Apologies Accepted say thank you for the praise and prizes your are going to heap upon us for discovering that boozy and floozy go with hooch and hoochie.  You are welcome.

Holmesburg Prison: Skin in the Game

Skin, it's what covers your bones and what you rub creams on to see how many blisters you can raise. If you don't rub poisons onto your skin to observe the after effects, you can thank one Dr. Kligman for doing the research for you.  Dr. Kligman discovered that prisoners have skin and that they were willing to sign up for experiments so he got them to sign a bunch of papers that they didn't understand and then he got busy.  For 20 years, starting in the 1950s and ending in 1973, Kligman injected the inmates of Holmesburg prison with poisons, had them rub cancer causing agents onto their skin, and charted the results.  He also sewed human organ tissues into their bodies to see what would happen - maybe the organs would regrow!  Maybe prison could become a farm for regeneration of human tissues and organs!

Dr. Kligman became a world famous dermatologist (there is one of a world famous anything and Kligman is it for skin doctors).  He discovered Retin-A (retinol) and every morning people across the world rub away their wrinkles and acne thanks to the work of Dr. Kligman - the hero of skin.

But the city of Philadelphia doesn't think he's such a hero and issued an apology in October of 2022 for giving sanction to the work of an unethical dermatologist.

Revenge Porn: The Naked Weatherman

Spectrum News provides a local cable news channel for every city with Spectrum Cable. It's rarely hard-hitting news and leans more towards inoffensive local stories about kittens in trees.  It would be the news channel for barbie dolls if they watched news.  Local Spectrum News channel 1 in NYC became an exception to that policy when they quietly fired Eric Adame, the local fan favorite weatherman on Channel 1.  They fired him for engaging in online sex in a private sex-webcam-chat-porn-site.  This wasn't an Only Fans account, it was a subscribers only adult web-cam-chat service and Eric was chatting in the privacy of his own home during his off hours.  Spectrum Channel 1 might have had a real reason to fire Eric if he had been inappropriate while reporting, but his clothes always stayed on when he was reporting the weather.

Someone, unknown and anonymous, took photos of Eric without his consent while he was naked online.  This unknown person sent those photos to Eric's boss and to Eric's mother.  Eric is a textbook case of revenge porn and is suing the webcam company for the name of the person who sent the photos.  He intends to file legal action against the person who took the photos.

Eric apologized to his fans, his boss, his co-workers, all of New York City, and the weather itself.  None of that mattered to Spectrum.  They fired him for whatever legal reason they could find to justify the firing and now no one knows what the weather is in New York City.

But everyone knows that Eric was fired unfairly and lost his right to privacy.

100th Episode Celebration

It's our 100th episode and we are celebrating by reviewing 4 of our lowest rated apologies!  No one is ever sorrier than when their apology gets reviewed a second time.  And what's worse, is reviewed and then followed up with updates.  Who honored their promises to do better and fell flat (hint: it's in the word "Better" as in better.com)?  Is it OK to like Chrissy Teigen again?  Did Alice Sebold get lucky with a second review of her apology?  And did that funeral home director say anymore about those bodies she sold?  Only one way to find out - and it's not Google - it's by joining us in our 100th birthday extravaganza!

Pakistan Floods: Water Under the Bridge

Resham is one of Pakistan's biggest stars, having acted in film and TV since the 90s.  She's beautiful, talented, and a bit of a litter bug - if you want to judge her solely on one tiny video posted to her 600,000 followers on social media when there are so many bigger problems in the world! Resham will let you know that she is a force for good in the world and if you come for Resham, you better bring the receipts.  People did bring the receipts, and Resham apologized.

So what happened?  Resham works with numerous charities.  The floods in Pakistan deeply moved her and she wanted to help those in need.  She was on a mission for good, delivering food to flood victims, when she took a moment to film herself throwing bread and meat into the water to feed wildlife also impacted by the floods.  It was meant to be a gesture of compassion for the little animals who live in the woods and waters, a gesture to remind people that even the smallest act of kindness can bring social media value.  After throwing bologna to the fish, Resham threw some food wrappers and trash into the waters.  Many people took her to task for littering, and she reminded them all that there are bigger things in the world than littering, plus she had brain fog, plus her brother had died so she was not in her right mind.

Her act of selfless giving was meant to inspire people, instead it just reminded everyone how we drove the earth into climate change - reckless disregard for the environment.  Throwing garbage into flood waters that are the direct result of climate change was more than symbolic - it was a bad PR move.  Resham apologized a second time, and this time, she made sure everyone understood how sorry she truly was.

Hamilton: Forgive Us Our Trespasses

Hamilton the Musical is a broadway phenomenon that took the world by storm.  The show features people of color in leading roles portraying America's founding fathers.  This juxtaposition of the Founding Fathers as black and brown highlights the fact that many Americans are still engaged in a battle for freedom.  It's a show about the importance of inclusion and diversity.  And awesome songs.

The Door McAllen, a non-denominational Christian church in Texas, thought this would be the perfect vehicle to spread the message about Jesus and preach against gays and alcoholics and debtors, because you know how much Broadway Musicals hate the gays.

The church streamed their production and it was more than a little good.  The actors were solid and the costuming was excellent - if you didn't know any better and saw a clip, you might think you were watching a dress rehearsal of the actual Hamilton.  Of course the church switched the message and made it all about Jesus, but still - pretty amazing production values.

The only problem with the show was that the church did not obtain the rights to perform Hamilton, so when the actual Hamilton production company found out the following day that someone had stolen all of their work and put it on the internet - they were surprised and not flattered.

What followed was a cease and desist letter from Hamilton's attorneys and an apology from the church that hits all the right notes but somehow fails to answer the question: are you really sorry?

 

New Jersey Wekfest: The Racecar and the Turtle

Wekfest is an annual convention held in New Jersey for custom car enthusiasts.  At the end of the convention, fans stand around the exit of the convention center to watch the cars leave.  Sometimes drivers put on a show for the fans, they rev their engines or do donuts or whatever else kind of stuff you can do with a car.  The fans love it, but Wekfest is clear that this is not a sanctioned part of the convention.  Good thing too because at the end of the show this year there was a majorly bad accident, a direct result of someone trying to impress some fans.

Darius Gomez wanted to thrill the fans, so when he was leaving the parking lot of the convention center he gunned the engine and accidentally ran over two fans and April O'neil, a pet turtle.  April was innocently eating some grass on the side of the road when both she and her owner were struck by Darius's Green BMW Wagon.

Darius drove off, but eventually took to social media to apologize for the accident and announced that he would turn himself in.  Before he turned himself in he deleted his apology - but have no fear because we have a copy of it and updates on everyone involved in the accident.

Warning: do not listen to the episode if you really love turtles.

Ellen DeGeneres: The Be Kind (of Nice) Lady

Hi Everyone!  Vacation ran a week over so we are re-releasing a fan favorite with assurances that we will be back next week (we said that last week, but that turned out to be incorrect because someone - out of kindness we're on purpose not mentioning Theo by name - can't read a calendar).

2020 was not a great year, not for most of the world, and certainly not for Ellen DeGeneres.  The opening monologue of Season 18 of The Ellen Show began with some jokes, included an apology, and finished with some more jokes.  But joking aside, behind the scenes stories told of a toxic work environment, rife with racism and sexual harassment.  Was Ellen simply a victim of her own PR, set-up for failure with the nickname of “The Be Kind Lady,” or is she just playing nice for the camera?  How does one apologize for being human?

Allison Mack: NXIVM Queen (rerelease)

It's still us and we are still on vacation!  But have no fear, we have a classic fan favorite and will be back next week with a new episode and a whole lot of sorry for having been gone for two weeks!

 

Being number one is great, but being number two is pretty nice, too.  Just ask Allison Mack.  She was second in command of the NXIVM cult and the leader of a devoted group of women who called her "master" and did her bidding.  Sounds great!  Except it involved a cult and blackmail and sex-trafficking and branding and enslaving others.  That all sounds pretty bad, but the bad parts were kept secret – so on the surface it still sounded pretty great!  That is until NXIVM found itself in court and had to admit the secret parts out loud. 

The truth comes spilling out this episode as NXIVM comes tumbling down – and we are here to make sense of all the nonsense as we examine the eternal question: “why would anyone ever do something this stupid ever?”

Future Juliette Update: Allison Mack received 3 years in prison and a $20,000 fine for her part in the NXIVM cult.  Keith Raniere, the cult leader, is currently serving 120 years in prison but don’t worry, he’s writing a book about how he is innocent and completely misunderstood.

Alice Sebold: Convicted Until Proven Innocent (rerelease)

Hi Everyone!  We're on vacation over the next two weeks because our producer told us we were working too hard on the show (no he didn't) and so we've reached into the vault to re-launch a fan favorite!  And don't worry, the world has not run out of apologies and we will be back in two weeks with a brand new episode!

 

Alice Sebold misidentified a man as a rapist and that man spent 16 years wrongfully imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit.  She wrote a memoir about the rape and the trial of the man she believed assaulted her. The memoir was a huge bestseller and she went on to literary fame, writing several novels to both critical and commercial success.  Recently her memoir was in production to become a film when one of the executive producers noticed some things in the trial that didn’t quite add up.  He hired a retired police detective who, in only 48 hours (that’s 2 days) discovered evidence that fully exonerated the man mistakenly accused of rape.

Released from jail in 1998, Mr. Broadwater spent years listed as a sex-offender, unable to secure solid employment, a social outcast with few friends. His life after prison is simply a series of contrasts between what might have been and what is, robbed of opportunities by a chance unlucky encounter with a woman on the street and the US judicial system.

Alice herself also had a chance unlucky encounter with the US judicial system.  The prosecutors lied to her, gave her false information that she believed.  Now that we know that Mr. Broadwater was innocent, wrongfully identified and convicted, we have an apology from Alice for mistakenly accusing him.  How do you apologize for being a part of a system that wrongfully punished an innocent person?  How much responsibility does she bear for her role?

Never fear, we are here with the answers (and chicken and d*ck jokes, too)!